Cracked Magazine's "Army of Dorkness" - An Spoof of Army of Darkness

My Wife's Journey to find her Birth family

My beautiful wife had her story RE: tracking down her biological mother/family published on the Daily Beast.

How I Used DNA To Find My Birth Family

My adoption records were sealed and I had few clues to my birth family’s identity. How a DNA kit broke my search wide open.

Last January, I sat cross-legged with the box in my hands, something inside me tilting and swaying, rising and catching in my throat.

“Ancestry DNA,” the box was marked—so official, so scientific, with little molecules dotting the cover.

This was IT. This bounty was going to be the end to a lifelong struggle that had consumed me for as long as I could remember. Inside the slick, sterile packaging lay the answers to the biggest questions I’d ever asked. My whole world was going to change now, in ways that I’d imagined in a thousand different scenarios.

I had always known I was adopted. I had also known I didn’t have a place to belong, people to whom to belong, or a soft place to land. I was raised by a J&B scotch bottle and a bottomless tumbler glass brimming with vodka-soda on the rocks. Containers of alcohol don’t love, don’t nurture, and don’t protect little girls, and under such conditions, said little girls grow like a badly-set broken arm.

I had no place and no people. Where was my birth mother? Where was my big brother? Did they know where my father was? Did I look like them? Did they have the same close-set, saucer eyes I had?

Do I have her eyes?

Alongside my mother and brother, my straggly long brown hair, pasty-white skin and big hollow eyes would match. If I matched, I wouldn’t be mismatched, and therefore, couldn’t be as ugly and inconsequential as I saw myself. People who belonged together could not be ugly, I mused in my misshapen logic, because only ugly people had no people. We somehow weren’t worthy, like the sock that loses its partner in the wash and is thrown into the mismatched sock bin until the other can be found—a pair made, good enough to return to the drawer with the regular socks. I was just a sock-bin sock.

I began to realize if hadn’t yet been found, I needed to set out to do the finding. I began to post flyers on poles in New York City. I asked random people in the subway who bore any resemblance to me if perhaps I couldn’t be theirs? Some Saturdays, I dragged a folding table all the way to the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art with a small tape recorder and my “Annie” cassette, and belted out the songs and held a sign asking if anyone had lost a baby girl in 1971. Surely someone would recognize my eyes, that my face was her face, too.

People stopped, curious, wished me luck. Several times I tied notes to the strings of balloons and let them fly out of my bedroom window, telling my birth mother and my older brother she’d had before me where to find me. The balloon had to land somewhere. I wrote on dollar bills and put them into circulation: “Melodye, born on [my birthday] in NYC…I am here. 212-xxx-xxxx.”

I was utterly plagued.

As I matured into a teen, my searching prowess developed.

I delved into the non-identifying information provided by my adoption agency, wrote letters, dialed random people I found in the White Pages across three Southern states, harassed the agency to help me beyond what was allowed by law.

When the Internet became a thing, my pleas were splattered everywhere a person could post. My words mingled with thousands of others whose postings all started in the same vein as mine: “I was born March xx ... in Bellevue Hospital. Seeking any member of my birth family…” This was followed by the small amount of details I knew about my mother’s family.

I was astounded by the number of other adoptees and birthparents who were out there, posting the same messages. I had never dreamed there were so many of us. I joined local and national adoption support groups, registered with every mutual consent registry I could find, sent letters to my agency to keep on file should my family come back for me there. When I was surreptitiously slipped the contact information for a fleabag “investigator” who was somewhat known in the New York adoption circle to have connections and ways to obtain information illegally, such as original birth certificates and other records, I gave him a call. He wanted $2,000 to find my mother and brother. I wanted proof that he knew what he was doing. He wanted to meet me in a seedy part of town to “try to work something out.” I told him in detail where he could shove it.

By then, I was living in a girls’ home in Newark, which severely hampered my search efforts for awhile, though I was able to go back and forth to the city from time to time. As I moved through young adulthood, I wrote to television talk shows, was called back by several, and was even lucky enough to have a private meeting with the producer of The Montel Williams Show, who tried to help in my search. But, as gracious as they all were, everyone hit a brick wall. There was just not enough information, and without the information, there was no show.

I began to realize if hadn’t yet been found, I needed to set out to do the finding.

Around 1996, I once got drunk and dialed a psychic hotline. The seer told me I would not find my family for 10 more years. “You’re a liar,” I slurred, followed by a string of expletives in the kind of spiritless desperation that comes from a drunk girl aware that she was a drunk girl trying to gain traction in her search with a dial-a-psychic.

Who was I?

I was raised to believe I had no right to know. My birth records were sealed by New York law, and I was assigned a new birth certificate and identity when I was 3 years old. I was told my birth mother had the choice to keep me as any mother had, but she chose not to, and therefore my rights to know anything more were relinquished with her signature, on papers I would never have the right to see.

I stumbled around for years, gathering minuscule pieces of information, sporadically outwitting people in the know to give me more knowledge than I had before. I learned my mother’s name was Diana. Her name was the first piece of information that gave her a definitive shape, like an out-of-focus photograph I couldn’t quite make out, but knew was her all the same. Her name was something I could hold.

Who was she?

When I was small, the image of my mother mirrored “Ma Ingalls” from Little House on the Prairie. As I got older, it diminished into less of a vision and more of a hope that she’d be found alive, and would even want to talk to me. My brother never changed from the image I had as a little girl. Right into adulthood, I imagined he’d love me, be protective of me in some way, have sentiments all his own unscathed by our shared history. He’d tell me we were innocents, and that the decisions others made for us had nothing to do with who we would be to each other. This seemed a reasonable dream, through the decades of collected maps, folders stuffed with notes, and records printed and photocopied year after year. Puzzle pieces.

This is how I found myself sitting as a middle-aged woman with that DNA box in my lap, feeling like that scrap of a girl again, filled with emotions I could not decipher. I opened the box carefully, and found the process simple. I filled a little tube with my saliva, capped it, mailed it off and waited six weeks for my life to change.

When my results were released, the start of the life that visited me only in dreams began. The results were only the beginning. I bounced off of the highs and lows, suffered tremendous disappointment from cousins (mostly distant) who refused to help, some even declining to speak to me at all. The lows smarted, and often far outweighed the warmth of the highs.

I glimpsed the girl I was when I was young: Ugly. Small. Invisible.

All I wanted now was to know. I wanted to know that my brother was okay. I wanted to know if my mother had ever gotten to see me the day I was born. I wanted to know if she held me. I don’t think I had ever been held as a child, or at least, could not remember a time when I was. If she had held me, I’d have that knowledge. It would be mine, and no one could ever say I wasn’t entitled to it or take it from me.

I wanted to see my mother’s eyes, to see if there was a message within them just for me. I needed to have a picture of her. I wanted so little by then. There were so many false leads, so many twists and turns.

And then I found a search angel by pure coincidence. I had befriended David’s wife, Shirley, on a Facebook ancestry group. Shirley took me home like a stray cat to her husband, who was a whiz at reading DNA and scientifically matching the possibilities to the ancestral “tree” we began to build for me. Among a host of moderately distant cousins matches (3rd or 4th cousins or greater), my DNA results yielded one “Close Family” and two “2nd Cousin” matches, the Holy Grail for an adoptee whose best hope was usually 3rd cousin matches or more distant.

I wanted to know if my mother had ever gotten to see me the day I was born. I wanted to know if she held me.

But these matches weren’t answering my emails. In fact, the matches took several months and a trick or two to track them down, and as we inched along, Dave spent hours and weeks and months working to rule people out, manipulating the DNA results to find where I belonged on my own tree. Shirley always stayed close by. For my part, I worked as obsessively as Dave did, sorting out the possibilities and the genealogy, building out maps of families and potential relatives who warranted a closer look. I never gave up, though I wanted to, because Dave and Shirley and our small group of supporters never gave up—including my husband, Dino. He went many nights with no dinner and spent a lot of time on his own during my search. He never complained and held me when I cried and soothed me. He is my best friend.

One day, I heard from the “Close Family” match. He was a younger brother, also adopted, with little information about our mother and family. We have been chatting ever since. He is beautiful, strapping, strong, and smart, and has given me two perfect little nieces and a sister-in-law. Then I met cousin after cousin. More doors opened, slammed shut, opened again, and Dave helped me weave through groupings of cousins and do-gooders who kept pointing us in the right direction. I started with just me on my own ancestral tree—a little box that bore my name but connected to empty boxes above that remained empty and nameless. Dave helped me grow it with our research to over 900 people related to me in one way or another. The boxes closest to me still remained empty, but the ones beyond those began to fill up.

I found several first cousins with receptive and engaging hearts, and myriad other relatives who can’t wait to meet me. I found and spoke to two younger sisters, and I finally found my big brother, the one I sought for 30 years, and he is what I had hoped: the kind who would watch you as you went down the street to make sure no one snatched your purse or bonked you on the head, the kind whose eyes would mist as he took in the sight of his little sister and heard of her arduous, decades-long search for him. More than I hoped, he is as lovely as my four other siblings.

My mother, Diana, died two years ago in 2013. I wasn’t leveled by this news, but cried for her when I was alone and able to process the loss and the “I’ll never get to’s...” It is, however, impossible to dwell long in this headspace. I have been ready to accept whatever was given, in whatever way the universe saw fit to give it. Everyone who knew her told me about my mother, regaled me with stories of her soft, blue-gray eyes, how she liked to help bathe her baby sister, how generous and kind she was.

I eventually got the picture of her I needed. I am now a part of the picture.

Because I do, indeed, have her eyes.

Freddy Krueger's Glove in "Evil Dead 2"

   Many a sharp-eyed fan has noticed that Freddy's glove appears in Sam Raimi's "Evil Dead 2" due to the in-joke history between Wes Craven and Sam Raimi, but how many of you knew it was in the filme TWICE?!

   The first time is above the door in the workshed.

   Next, it's in the basement when Ash goes to get the pages good, old, reliable Jake threw down there.

   Isn't that awesome?!

Just a lil meme I created!

Escape from New York parody from Crazy Magazine (early 80's)

Escape from Fun City

First REAL Official "Ash vs Evil Dead" Production news!

This week, production began on the highly anticipated upcoming Starz series, Ash vs Evil Dead, which has creators Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert and Bruce Campbell reuniting, this time in New Zealand, to bring fans a new iteration of everyone’s favorite chainsaw-wielding anti-hero.
Daily Dead had the opportunity to take part in a very special conference call with the trio about what we can expect from the first 10-episode season (and beyond), how Ash vs Evil Dead will fit into the overall Evil Dead universe, input into some of the new characters we’ll be meeting along the way and much, much more.
 



Ash vs Evil Dead will definitely be hardline horror but expect some quintessential Evil Dead comedy to show up from time to time: According to Raimi, Ash vs Evil Dead is definitely going to be an intense horror experience but when you’re working with someone like Campbell who has such impeccable comedic timing, of course you need to add in those comedic touches to the script. “We’re going back to the horror of the first two Evil Dead’s but then we’re going to be infusing this with the comedy from the second and third Evil Dead films,” explained Raimi.

Ash vs Evil Dead will take place in a slightly altered Evil Dead universe: While Raimi, Tapert and Campbell didn’t want to reveal any spoilers during our call (which we appreciated), what we did learn is that this new series will take place in modern days and will pick up somewhere after Evil Dead 2 leaves off. We will also see some similar locations to ones we’ve seen in the film series but fans can expect a modernized twist on them.

Ash will be fighting Deadites- and other types of evil entities too: As Tapert explained on the call, Deadites are of course an essential element to any Evil Dead story but Ash will also be facing other kinds of evil during the series, opening worlds of possibilities they’re all excited explore during the first and upcoming seasons of Ash vs Evil Dead.

When we catch up with Ash in the new series, he’s considered “damaged goods”: Campbell discussed the headspace of his character during the call, saying, “He’s not in the best shape, mentally, and that’s something that appealed to me as an actor. And the interesting twist this time is that now, Ash is in charge of saving the world which is huge.”
Raimi also offered up his thoughts on just where the character of Ash is now, after all this time. “Ash is no finer or nobler than he was the last time we saw him. His courage hasn’t been whipped up into a frenzy or anything; in fact, he’s pretty much at his lowest point when we first find him and it’s only through his actions that a hero is reborn within himself.”

Ash might be responsible for the return of the Deadites and the other evil forces that are unleashed: Raimi was possibly joking (there was a good amount of laughter involved) but it was mentioned during the call that Ash (in typical form) just could very well be the guy who rustles up the Deadites after they had been lying dormant for all these years. Nothing specific was mentioned but knowing Ash’s proclivity of forgetting key words to certain incantations.

There is the potential to see Ash get into a few romantic entanglements on Ash vs Evil Dead- eventually: While Raimi argues that his girlfriends are far unluckier, to say that Ash’s love life has been complicated over the years is something of an understatement. That being said, fans shouldn’t necessarily expect to see our favorite ladies man getting himself any sugar or indulging in some pillow talk right away on Ash vs Evil Dead, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen eventually either.  According to Campbell, when the time does come for Ash to cross paths with a love interest, it will be something that “makes sense within the overall story for the series.”

As with any Evil Dead story, there is potential for time travel down the road in Ash vs Evil Dead: Raimi talked about the fact that season one very much takes place during the present day but said he hasn’t ruled out the potential for any kind of time travel in the future, possibly as early as the end of the first season as they haven’t mapped out the final two episodes fully at the time of the call.

Ash vs Evil Dead will definitely have an overarching storyline but casual fans won’t feel alienated if they pop in for an episode here and there either: According to Tapert, there will be a lot to appreciate in Ash Vs. Evil Dead for both die-hard and casual fans alike. He also credited the 30-minute format as a way for them to be able to capitalize on the shorter format to keep the pacing brisk, much like the original films did.

Just because we’re getting an Ash vs Evil Dead television series does that mean we won’t ever see Campbell back on the big screen- or a possible sequel to Fede Alvarez’s Evil Dead remake: During the conference call, Raimi was asked about how the new series affects the status of a sequel to the 2013 remake and Campbell cleared up whether or not fans can ever expect to see his iconic character on the big screen now that he’s set to take over the Starz network later this year.
“I loved the Evil Dead remake and I think Fede did an amazing job,” explained Raimi. “I genuinely love that movie and I do hope that one day we do get to make a sequel to it. I just think the one thing we heard from the fans, who all were really supportive of it, was that they were hoping to have Ash in it in some capacity. So we just thought the idea of a series would work and so we chose to go with Bruce’s character’s story for now. I do hope we can get back with Fede though and make another Evil Dead with him.”
Campbell added, “Another Evil Dead movie will always be a possibility either way. Nothing ever precedes anything so it’s always an option for us. I don’t think, even with the upcoming series, that we’ll ever want to shut the door on any possibility to play around in this universe.”

Ash vs Evil Dead becoming a reality was largely due to the fans insistence for more Evil Dead: During the conference call, Raimi discussed that regardless of whatever project he was working on or promoting over the years, the one series he would always be asked about was Evil Dead and when we’d see another installment of the cult franchise.
“The one thing Ivan (Raimi) and I kept being asked about over and over again was about the potential for more Evil Dead; it didn’t matter if it was Spider-Man or whatever, it always came back to Evil Dead. I tried to ignore it for so long just because I wanted to go out there and make different kinds of films but then I realized that maybe it was time to revisit it. So I went to Ivan and we wrote a number of different ideas up- ideas set in the future, ideas that picked up after the first Evil Dead or even after Army of Darkness but nothing was quite right for the big screen.”
“Plus, we know we have a smaller demo than a lot of franchises so it didn’t necessarily make sense to do a big, Hollywood movie. That’s when Rob suggested doing it as a TV show. The best thing about this series is Ash so why not use a format where fans can spend more time with him than a traditional movie would allow? Rob’s got a ton of experience producing in television and Bruce is a pro on TV so it all made perfect sense.”

Just because Evil Dead is coming to TV, don’t expect the showrunners to shy away from the series’ signature violence and gore: According to Tapert, the Evil Dead tradition of crazy gore and violence will live on in Ash vs Evil Dead and they’re working with special effects master Roger Murray (Evil Dead remake, 30 Days of Night) to create all kinds of gore-soaked madness that fans have come to expect from the series over the years, but with an updated twist of course.

Ash will not be battling against the Evil Dead alone this time around: Tapert also filled us in on some of the new faces to the Evil Dead universe and how they happen to fit into Ash’s world.
“In this incarnation, there’s a team that begins to form around Ash as he battles against Deadites and all kinds of evil,” said Tapert. “There’s Pablo (Ray Santiago) who’s a young immigrant that wants to be part of the American experience and ends up following Ash. Then, there’s Dana DeLorenzo who plays Kelly Maxwell; she’s kind of Pablo’s love interest but she doubts Ash and his motives at first so there’s some conflict. Eventually, she realizes there’s something bigger at play though.”
“Then there’s Jill Marie Jones who plays a police officer that sees something she doesn’t quite believe and it ends up causing some major problems in her career. She crosses paths with Ash and thinks he’s the one responsible for all the weird things happening. And of course we have Lucy Lawless who’s playing Ruby, a character that knows something about the Evil Dead and is on the hunt for Ash. There will also be other characters along the way but that’s the core team for season one.”

Raimi, Tapert and Campbell aren’t the only Evil Dead veterans returning to work on the Ash vs Evil Dead show:  Also returning are composer Joe LoDuca and editor Bob Murawski who are back to add in that certain Evil Dead flavor that Raimi and Tapert both recognized were essential to the series.

Raimi, Campbell and Tapert are in it for the long haul when it comes to Ash vs Evil Dead: During the conference call, Raimi reinforced the idea that everyone involved with this new Evil Dead project isn’t looking to kill some time between films and that they’re planning on Ash vs Evil Dead sticking around for at least a few seasons. According to Campbell, “I’m not planning on going anywhere else anytime soon. Taking on this series was a big thing for me and I’m taking it very seriously.”
“Bruce did make some supreme sacrifices for Ash vs Evil Dead so I can vouch for his dedication. We’re all dedicated to this show for the long haul,” added Tapert.
Raimi, who is directing the first episode but will be heavily involved with the series in an ongoing capacity, agreed with Tapert, “I feel the same way- we’re all very dedicated to the success of this show. We’re really loving this process and working together again. We all love this universe deeply and that’s why we’re here now.”

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The Malev Return (for the 1st time)

   Malev 6 returned in Gold Key Magnus: Robot Fighter #21. This time, it appears as a "nebulous ghostly something", which is a fine explanation for a being composed of Ectotheric Energy.

The two humans call this apparition the Space Spectre and it basically outlines it's ultimate use of Ectotheric Energy. Why they would ever go along with this is a discussion for another day.

The Ecto-Rob grows huge and Magnus, backed by the Ectotheric Energy from Willo's tribe, follows suit. They battle through North Am.